Dude, fuck. I feel so disengaged at work, and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m disillusioned or because I’m just a lazy fuck. Probably both, to be honest.
Coming out of college, I was so ready to take on the world like it was my oyster. I could have tackled any job that came my way!
I decided to join this start-up for opportunity to wear multiple hats and discover the career path I wanted. After a few months, I set my eyes on the Campaign Manager role. And while I’ve had my share of set-backs and disappointments (like management sticking me in customer support, deviating from the 6-month promotion plan, having me read a book in my spare time, and not promoting from within), I patiently worked my ass off until I finally was on the right track.
That is, until my year review last week…They’ve been hinting and promising a raise since literally forever, and then they denied me one! And on top of that, I gave up my commission, I am working for less than I signed for. I guess that’s my fault for being naive and trusting…
So I know that what I’m doing definitely isn’t what I want to do long-term. Nevertheless, before this shit went down, I was actually enjoying my day-to-day and had a lot of fun working with the team we’ve built.
Now, I can’t help but question my role. Everything I did today felt so overwhelmingly pointless, like I’m running around in circles in the dark, grasping at nothing. I’m not motivated, because why pour my time and effort into a company that doesn’t respect me enough or value me enough to fairly compensate me?
I feel so lost and conflicted. I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m looking for new jobs, but honestly, I don’t want to leave my co-workers just yet. (Do people even stay friends with their coworkers?!) Plus I took off like 20 PTO days, and I fully plan on sticking around and being paid for those vacations first.