never thought i’d say this, but…

I miss recruitment. Remember how I hated the first round of recruitment so much I asked my ex for a fake internship so I could be excused from pre-recruitment the next year? Despite the obnoxious songs, fake smiles, awkward conversations, wardrobe misfunctions, and the unbearable heat, the sisters I bonded with over bitching about recruitment are now my closest friends.

I met up with a couple of them today. We got Thai food for lunch, then shopped/sat on a couch in TJ max for like an hour and half, only to move to Chick-Fil-A to chill for another hour. I wasn’t bored per say, but I felt boring. Like we literally did nothing! We had no fun plans, no event, no gossip, no updates…

I honestly can’t recall much of what we talked about. I remember feeling a little sad and nostalgic as we scrolled through the cute recruitment pictures flooding our newsfeed. I don’t even recognize like 3/4 of the girls anymore, and with this new class of like 6o coming in, I’m just old and irrelevant now.

I really miss the constant thrill and excitement of college. Everything was somehow so interesting, yet I can’t pinpoint what exactly kept me so engaged. Back then, we used to have so much more fun doing nothing – more laughter and complete nonsense, less phones, and definitely no silences.

Has the novelty of life worn off already? Maybe my routine boring 9-6 job and living at home has left me apathetic.  Although I find myself wishing I was back, I know that if I was going through recruitment right now, I’d be thinking it were hell.

The grass is always greener, huh.

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what am i doing?

I spent some time today at work googling for blog ideas and best practices (hey, since I help write my company’s blog, it passes as work, right?)

What do I want my blog to be about. Some of my peers have blogs where they soooo eloquently discuss their insights about societal injustices. Then, others share breathtaking photographs of their travels, and others show off their toned butts in their Lululemons. But I’m not insightful, or talented,…and I definitely got no butt.

Which made me think, why do I feel the need to blog content that impress others? I work in a space where hobbies become business ventures, and social media is not only validation, it’s your brand…and it’s too much! When everything is strategized and scrutinized, it starts to feel stifling.

So instead, this blog can be my raw and unfiltered musings. A place to bitch about my frustrations, to dream the unimaginable, to keep myself accountable, to develop my voice, and to find myself.